The two simple rules of love

Marriage does not operate upon the give-and-take principle of reciprocity.

By Derrick Kibbedi

More often we find ourselves asking for the right way to love someone and seem to be short of the best Rules of Love. 

#1.  Giving:  without giving, your relationship as a couple is bound not to work out. Everyone should feel the duty to give while expecting less to receive. As a married person, you should take the initiative of doing it first. One has to ride on the right side of the Marriage track (keep doing the right thing). If one has to wait for his/her spouse to give, it may take forever because it could be possible that they aren’t aware of anything like giving depending on the level of enlightenment and knowledge. 

In the very beginning of our relationship with God, the principles of giving comes first. Receiving comes later. When God created Adam, He gave him the Garden of Eden, when He called Abraham, He promised to make him the father of a great people. Some time later God tested Abraham. He said to him, “Take your son, your only son, Isaac, whom you love, and go to the region of Moriah. Sacrifice him there as a burnt offering on one of the mountains I will tell you about.” In John 3:16 we read that “For God so loved the world, that He gave His only begotten Son”; this sets precedent for us all. 

The reason you came together was to give to each other, if husband and wife sidelines this principle, then you don’t have a Marriage relationship. Because that relationship is based upon what each one gives to the other. It’s important to note that this isn’t limited to only Married people but also other relationships including courtship.

Famous among Married couples is the conjugal right, if any one withholds from the other that seizes to be a Marriage relationship, it is sister and brother relationship because it’s only there that sex is a sin and therefore not entitled. But in marriage it’s approved and heaven has endorsed couples to do so. It’s important to note that different relationships give different pleasures.

#2. Pleasure; Married must keep themselves pleasurable to each because in the very beginning of your relationship pleasure was central. Remember you could spend time together, talk for long hours and spend on each other because of the pleasure you derived from each other. Couples must invest in “R&D” [Research and Development] on how to remain pleasurable to each other. It’s this pleasure that kept you and won you that Marriage. 

For you to ‘intoxicate’ your spouse with your love, make effort to put all additives and addictives that keeps yourself pleasurable before him or her. The famous saying goes “good service isn’t witchcraft.” For this reason, give the best out of yourself to keep yourself pleasant

It’s very unfortunate if you lose pleasure in your marriage or relationship yet there is always room for improvement. One of the many causes of infidelity in Marriage is lack of pleasure; pleasure is gratification of the mind or the sense that comes with indulgence. Because there is lack of proper positive excitement of mind as husband and wife you shall find yourself in want for this excitement and thus your mind start to linger elsewhere.   

derrickibbedi@gmail.com | @kybedi_derek

Derrick Kibbedi is a speaker, an advocate for healthy marriage/family. He is a relationship counselor, married and blessed with four children

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